![]() Earlier, I had developed this theory to analyze art films, like those by Akira Kurosawa, Ingmar Bergman, Jean-Luc Godard, or David Lynch, which were marked by their vivid use of color. Thoughts tainted by the beginnings of schizophrenia began to appear in my mind in the form of strange theories, the most prominent of which I will call “color theory.”Ĭolor theory was my idea that one could determine a person's feelings, thoughts, and even their personality by the color combinations of their clothing. However, in hindsight, one might have been able to tell that something was amiss. With my sadness behind me, everything was looking up. One year prior, I had broken up with an old girlfriend and had sunk into a depression. I had finally decided that I would go into architecture I had been accepted into an exclusive architecture history class going to Tokyo, and I had a new girlfriend for a few months. My break began in the winter semester of 2007 during my junior year at the University of Michigan. I hope that the nature of this progression becomes clearer as I recount the story of my path from sanity to insanity and back again. During a schizophrenic break, one moves between the spectrum of sanity and insanity and is gradually pulled from the clear light of reason to that of madness. After medication, my schizophrenic thoughts dissipated, and I was once again able to get a grasp on reality. Actually, however, the only way to regain sanity is through correct treatment and medication, which I was lucky enough to receive. Eventually, my thoughts lost all bases in reality, and I scrambled to hold onto new insane thoughts as a way to find meaning and explanation once again. When I looked hard enough, with a little imagination, I was able to substantiate these somewhat skewed ideas. When these ideas and theories came about in my case, I looked for confirmation that they were true and was able to find subjective evidence. Because the initial schizophrenic thoughts are benign, they are simply taken for granted as real. Furthermore, insane thoughts usually come into being after 20 years of sanity for men and a few years longer for women. After all, very few suspect that they will develop schizophrenia, especially in my case with no family history. During this initial stage, it would have been very difficult to detect anything out of the ordinary, for my close family and friends or even for myself. When I first began experiencing insane thoughts, they seemed normal and plausible, if only a bit more creative. ![]() They arise seemingly out of nowhere when a person knows the difference between sanity and insanity and emerge initially as small ideas. Schizophrenic thoughts have a life of their own.
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